you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
