just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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