Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
