chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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