I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we made out on top of his cat.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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