Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
