Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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