It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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