Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
