No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
