You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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