woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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