literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
