Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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