Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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