Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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