Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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