Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
