Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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