I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
