She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
