I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
