that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
