in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need water and some morals
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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