I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
