just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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