D3 body, D1 cock
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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