last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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