the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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