Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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