Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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