Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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