He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
