oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
