It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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