I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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