You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
