i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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