I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They took my balls.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
