i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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