pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
