you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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