Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How external is "for external use only"?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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