It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
