You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
