Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
