I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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