At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
