did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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