im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
