A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
