I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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