Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
