The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
