Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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