she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
