someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize