How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
