respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize