My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
