His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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