Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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