My room smells like vodka and shame
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
