he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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