never play flip cup with pint glasses
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
